Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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