i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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