well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter