Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem