Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.

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  (312): Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita. http://tfl.nu/kc15
  Replies (6) Good night (2853) Bad night (1315)
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  (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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  (619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64
  Replies (59) Good night (1133) Bad night (3831)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?

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  (505): Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook? http://tfl.nu/pdxj
  Replies (25) Good night (1152) Bad night (3687)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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  (509): I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have? http://tfl.nu/03l6
  Replies (23) Good night (3241) Bad night (1702)
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  (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

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  (716): She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met http://tfl.nu/xjfv
  Replies (10) Good night (912) Bad night (4749)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (1053) Bad night (2997)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

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  (773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids http://tfl.nu/g564
  Replies (19) Good night (4445) Bad night (1494)
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  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
  Replies (4) Good night (3185) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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  (405): It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/3wue
  Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (615)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands

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  (303): We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands http://tfl.nu/8ws6
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (994)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

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  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
  Replies (11) Good night (3031) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  How on earth did you break your wrist?

  (1-530): View more from California

  I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing

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  (530): How on earth did you break your wrist? (1-530): I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing http://tfl.nu/cks1
  Replies (2) Good night (1702) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

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  (904): My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. http://tfl.nu/hpvl
  Replies (0) Good night (485) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.

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  (301): Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/x1wc
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.

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  (310): I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor. http://tfl.nu/yj4k
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (374)

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