she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?