Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball