and next time when you feel me up, do it right
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies