Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?