so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.