i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy