Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(860): View more from Connecticut

I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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(425): View more from Washington

Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?

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(661): View more from California

What a dumb baby whore.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow

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