a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked