I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you win again, gameday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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