Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
