Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
