i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
