toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
