so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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