i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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