I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
