We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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