she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
