and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
