First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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