haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
