Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just invented taco cereal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
