i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
