Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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