You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
