So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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