Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
