So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
