its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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