??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
