I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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