Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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