oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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