No more Irish car bombs ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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