i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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