Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
