sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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