She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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