Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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