There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
