I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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