i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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