I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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