yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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