I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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