nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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