Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
