When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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