so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
