yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
