I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
