I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
