CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
