Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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