I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
