Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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