On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
