The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize