i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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