Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
