It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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