so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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