Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
