Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
