Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
pray to the hookup gods
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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