i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
