but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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