I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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