hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
