After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she told me i tasted like america
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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