Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
