Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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