4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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