We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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