nut hugger
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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