I am puke
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
