Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
